I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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