why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
