I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
