Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
