are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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