I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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