i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
