So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
