i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mom said you looked used
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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