and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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