that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just gift wrapped bread.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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