so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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