i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
