Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
