I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.