I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
