apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess