He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species