It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.