His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.