i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
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I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk