I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke