The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't turn off my feet"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
