the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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