I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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