Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
