she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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