Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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