One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
