Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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