I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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