just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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