Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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