you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
