dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
being pregnant is like rehab
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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