Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Randomize
