i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
