maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
