i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize