Got a toothbrush?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I deserve this hangover.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
