And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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