Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
