I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
