I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
