dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
