I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
