Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
