we're blogging at a bar
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
