sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
