why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
