life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was so not down for the gang bang
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
