1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Randomize
