My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
