Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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