she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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