Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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