She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
