i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
