rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
