Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
