brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
