he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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