i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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