Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
