He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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