she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
