some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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