your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
