i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
false alarm. still invincible.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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