i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
