Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
