So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
