she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
