The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
