I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
