he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
