I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
