you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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