How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
