it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
