she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
