it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now