overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
