Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...