i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
