We named our party play list daddy issues
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
