maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
