I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
