I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
