My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
