I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.