He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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