Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.

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  (720): More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun. http://tfl.nu/f0pl
  Replies (4) Good night (616) Bad night (789)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.

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  (586): theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/psvc
  Replies (12) Good night (929) Bad night (7314)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"

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  (314): he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??" http://tfl.nu/y012
  Replies (125) Good night (1234) Bad night (22454)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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  (208): I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome. http://tfl.nu/laeb
  Replies (21) Good night (7939) Bad night (583)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.

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  (773): Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize. http://tfl.nu/bs3u
  Replies (6) Good night (3557) Bad night (669)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.

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  (517): just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out. http://tfl.nu/s711
  Replies (21) Good night (1293) Bad night (7372)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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  (214): You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight. http://tfl.nu/qr87
  Replies (23) Good night (9299) Bad night (978)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

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  (780): Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT. http://tfl.nu/4w87
  Replies (13) Good night (1896) Bad night (1061)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.

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  (607): Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair. http://tfl.nu/k6ce
  Replies (4) Good night (652) Bad night (901)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.

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  (806): Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early. http://tfl.nu/6dqv
  Replies (7) Good night (1296) Bad night (815)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.

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  (503): I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together. http://tfl.nu/6ddq
  Replies (15) Good night (1692) Bad night (589)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.

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  (848): Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work. http://tfl.nu/02os
  Replies (9) Good night (2318) Bad night (1111)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?

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  (910): He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/tksy
  Replies (12) Good night (503) Bad night (887)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.

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  (570): Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home. http://tfl.nu/ff77
  Replies (1) Good night (456) Bad night (148)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night

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  (410): I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night http://tfl.nu/e8ro
  Replies (3) Good night (191) Bad night (476)

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