I faked an abortion last night.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
