Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

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  (908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins. http://tfl.nu/5whx
  Replies (91) Good night (1373) Bad night (24410)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

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  (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d
  Replies (55) Good night (7350) Bad night (1273)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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  (630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem. http://tfl.nu/xqri
  Replies (18) Good night (4477) Bad night (1455)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.

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  (978): So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease. http://tfl.nu/08pd
  Replies (18) Good night (1069) Bad night (6186)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.

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  (910): He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment. http://tfl.nu/t1og
  Replies (9) Good night (1790) Bad night (3327)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic

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  (908): Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic http://tfl.nu/xmss
  Replies (4) Good night (2642) Bad night (941)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.

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  (787): He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him. http://tfl.nu/klex
  Replies (21) Good night (4673) Bad night (1205)
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  (315): View more from New York

  gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.

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  (315): gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk. http://tfl.nu/w2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (1906) Bad night (989)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?

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  (219): about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town? (219): yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes? http://tfl.nu/jl45
  Replies (5) Good night (2379) Bad night (738)
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  (852): View more from

  come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air

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  (852): come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air http://tfl.nu/kik8
  Replies (5) Good night (777) Bad night (1990)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick

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  (608): Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick http://tfl.nu/ym1u
  Replies (9) Good night (1939) Bad night (588)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?

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  (651): Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door? http://tfl.nu/hi0q
  Replies (7) Good night (1863) Bad night (532)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it

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  (+44): He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it http://tfl.nu/dp2q
  Replies (3) Good night (1650) Bad night (636)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  The feeling are messing with the penis

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  (660): The feeling are messing with the penis http://tfl.nu/t2zd
  Replies (3) Good night (325) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.

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  (202): My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream. http://tfl.nu/02rn
  Replies (9) Good night (1189) Bad night (248)

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