I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
